Patricia's Correspondence

I received this, my tenth message from Patricia on 23rd January 2011. This email letter is again signed by Patty and Margaret.

Subject: RE: Hi

To Whom It May Concern:

My Dad would definitely be very upset by darkly tinted car windows. A vehicle like that may have killed our cat "Sunny." Tinted windows on larger trucks, tanks and other unnecessary vehicles and too many home health care and handyman/maintenance vehicles should be outlawed or seriously cut back in larger urban area city streets such as ours according to my Dad. I think he could be right. No one can see in to tinted window vehicles but they can see out in theory. Those type of vehicles come and go quickly many times a day and their main purpose is to make as much money as possible per stop and move along as quickly as possible to the next job site because for them time and quantity is money. They haven't got time to worry about unseen cats, pets or small children that might accidentally get in their way or get run over. Many drivers and owners of those types of businesses are lower class people who are uneducated and usually have to focus on things other than the lives of small animals according to my father. Half of the drivers and owners may be not very legitimate or "with the program" because of previous involvement with the health care systems. They may still be in recovery or brainwashed and not very alert or aware or competent enough to be doing what they are doing in general. I should know, I've been there done that to a certain degree most of my life and can relate better than most. Not even my own father could say that while he was alive and neither can my mother or her friends, relatives or support team members even now. I'm afraid to call up The Dumb Friends League or Cat Care Society or Dr. Pasek again. They probably don't believe me or are lying or think I am crazy or a trouble maker or lying and I'm afraid of bad news.

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I have been the target of road rage in later years for some reason. They are the ones with the poor driving habits not myself. I've had to sort of relearn a lot of stuff since I've gotten off medication and started living at home again away from horrible living arrangements and away from a certain amount of trauma and PTSD [posttraumatic stress disorder] but riding a bicycle and driving skills wasn't one of them. All these adjustments and changes of not doing a lot or doing different things and being cooped up in my own home in later years when previously I had been used to more physical activity and an active lifestyle has required some personal adjustments on my part. "Star, Crystal, Changeling, Indigo" people like myself may have certain adjustment skills in that area but it still doesn't make it right or healthy or fair. It would have been easier and quicker had I been able to get outdoors right away or do something healthier like go back to school or get a job or socialize with normal, healthy and non-threatening people when I first moved back home again in about 2000. It would have been better and easier and worked out better had I not been psychologically held back by unethical, corrupt, uneducated paramedics, cops and security guards almost right away. In about 2000 when I moved back home again from my last apartment I wasn't incapable, stupid or sick somehow to where I couldn't see that I needed to get busy, find a job, go back to school and take care of myself or get on with my life and get outdoors more it's just that I was set-back by my heel injury as well as the neighbors I had to be concerned about as well as the corrupt and unethical cops, police, paramedics and mall cops that set me back a bit psychologically. They psyched me out also about that time and it still goes on to this day. They may have known that then as well as now as well as whoever put them up to that bit of dirty work years ago. I still feel threatened and not very safe because of that. I'm only human and can't please everyone all the time and can only put up with so much. That all by itself can take a physical and emotional toll on ones health, happiness and well being. I was always a bright student in school and smart and did well probably better than many and never had any emotional or physical or social difficulties. It was a misdiagnosis and jealousy and they had me confused with someone else.

HUD, Section 8, Homeless Shelters, Foster Care Facilities
I never really had my own apartment or other living arrangement that was of my own free will or that I paid for myself. Milly and Andy in Commerce City, CO. was one adult foster care home they put me in right out of college in about 1983. I don't know if it was for my own protection and safety or not. I wasn't notified either way. My Dad was responsible for running me off and out of the house at the time or made it too unbearable to live here. Too much overrated, unwelcome "love" in that way gets old, gross and disrespectful real quick. Someone else probably saw it differently then but I certainly didn't and I am an adult and have been for years. I find it disrespectful as an adult woman to have that type of belittling, humiliating, unwelcome so called "love" dumped on me when I know differently or better and always have. It may also have something to do with the homosexual lifestyle of certain people I may have known or been acquainted with over the years as well as my Dad's horrible childhood and his family background that was and still is very abusive, immoral and abnormal. It is still a psychological stumbling block to further recovery and feeling safe & healthy again. Stashing away humans or animals in the name of love or protection or safe keeping is wrong especially if the owner isn't notified or given warning first.

I never completed a higher education or got a degree in anything. I barely had a 9th grade education before I crashed and burned and was never the same again. I barely graduated from an alternative high school that probably wasn't very legitimate to begin with and is no longer in business. At Mesa College I was rudely and unfairly made to feel uncomfortable and not very safe and had to quit of my own free will earlier than I had expected or planned. I had no job, not a very reliable or safe home to return to, no money, no completed education, no reliable friends or support team and no way of taking care of myself or providing for myself even after all that. I wasn't getting along very well with my Dad as usual. I was probably relieved when he died a few years later. Even now at the age of 50 I don't have much education or a good job background and no way of taking care of myself other than my mother and her relatives trust funds and inheritances I will receive upon her death. I will get all that once she dies and the house is mine free and clear providing I even want to live here anymore without being forced out by the neighbors and other powers that be. Gretchen Eberhardt our attorney would know more about that.

Normal dormitory life and young adulthood was supplanted by creeping socialism and new ideas of employment in the mental health fields for everyone even if they weren't qualified or didn't particularly want to. Some were picked on or targeted unfairly and I could have been one of them. I had a pre-existing condition and a poor health record 10 blocks long by that time so it was bound to happen sooner or later. Some of the R.A.'s could have been majoring in psychology and thought they could wield their power, trust or authority in any way they pleased even if they weren't qualified. It was an automatic violation of patient/doctor trust and confidentiality, predation, violation of human and civil rights and the rights of the disabled, handicapped and needy but apparently they weren't aware of such things then or were told to ignore it. There was no such concept as human rights for certain people at the time or they were too ignorant or uneducated to think first or use common sense.

The ADA [perhaps the American Diabetes Association] and NAMII [maybe the National Alliance for Mental Illness, the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill or the National Association for Mental Illness] came along in later years and only in larger urban areas such as Denver. I have always been painfully aware of stats, polls and pigeon holing that leads to discrimination so organizations like NAMII can step in and act like they can relate or know what it is and relate. At Mesa College I may have had difficulty with math classes but other students who claimed to be aware of statistics, polls and the like weren't aware of the real damage theories like that have if applied to living creatures. I had no doubts or questions about that then but maybe they or someone else did. I didn't need an education about that then or now and not in that way but may have been stuck or held back by medication to where I couldn't do anything about it or communicate that fact. I had difficulty with the hands on math computations but was way ahead of most about the real damage and implications it can have on certain populations. They are the ones who were confused about that not me. It was another misdiagnosis by those who weren't qualified. I was the victim of their incorrect theories about statistics and what it is used for and why.

The State Regional Center for the Mentally Handicapped located in Grand Junction was the only mental health facility at the time as far as I know and many of the R.A.'s could have been doing an internship there or were orphaned, in foster care or labeled as mentally handicapped themselves. I could have been destined to end up there also before I quit Mesa College suddenly and moved in with my mother's friend for all I know and that was a frightening thought then and now so I probably did the right thing by leaving the dorms unexpectedly and quickly. The R.A.'s or their program shouldn't have been transferred into a girls dormitory around healthy normal students who weren't informed as to what was really going on or why and where they could be experimented upon socially or psychologically so someone else could earn a degree or for job training purposes. The R.A.'s could have been former residents at the State Regional Facility themselves for whatever reason and were part of the group home and health care systems already and brainwashed or in therapy and shouldn't have been allowed to call themselves experts or deceive other people into believing they were experts. I didn't have any difficulties in the dorms that I needed to discuss with them and I was already seeing counselors in Denver and had already been there, done that so I didn't see a need for them to get into my business and rehash old stuff when they were still in training or were still learning and weren't qualified.

Remy, my counselor at MHCD of G.J. said there wasn't much wrong with me. She got me off all medication cold turkey which wasn't a good judgment call on her part but other than that I was glad she had something positive to say. She said she wanted me to go to a group home and that I found odd and frightening and a contradiction and she wanted me to go to Outward Bound. She gave me one impression and my mother or health care workers in Denver an entirely different one. It's a good thing in that case that I quit Mesa College early and moved out of the dorms with little notice and moved in with my mother's friend in Grand Junction. I wasn't running away so much as I was engaging in self-defense and self-preservation. I wasn't expecting to have to fight for my life, liberty and human rights so soon and without warning or good reason and in a small town college of all places when a few months previously it hadn't been like that. There were happier times at college that are worth remembering also. That was a long time ago and I have moved on since then but I don't know about anyone else.

Welfare to work programs never did me much good and never panned out for me and I bet I'm not the only one. I never got off welfare as promised or expected and never got a permanent or full-time or part-time job from welfare to work programs. I worked at a few temp agencies before I was homeless and on welfare but that was obviously different circumstances and before everything got worse for me. I never had a job free and clear that I could legally and legitimately call my own or that I got from my own potentiality and free-will without the employer or agency being biased or coerced into letting me work there while I was on public assistance and non-profit assistance programs. At least I was allowed to earn and keep my own money on some of the temp jobs I had while I was homeless and younger even though it wasn't much and the jobs never lasted very long or became permanent.


Patty and Margaret